Big Confession

For those who thot i'm leading a happy life... I'm sorry that i lie abt that...

If u think i'm happy with a smile on my face, wel i'm not... deep inside i'm crying...
If u think i'm in love, wel i'm not again... never know the true feeling of it anymore..
If u think i'm occupied, wel i'm not... i'm still single as ever...
If you think i have forgotten abt the past, wel i'm not... I still live in the memories of the past...
If u think i got over my x, wel i've not... he still in my heart...
if u think i'm really moving on, wel i'm not... i simply couldnt get over everything...

I tried my very best to be calm... i tried to survive on my own without him... but simply i can't... every night i cry for him.. like a mad girl, i talk to his pics... everyday, without miss, i think of him.. his whereabout.. his condition.. his everything.. everyday, i dreamt of him... either happy or sad ending... i duuno y i got to bare all this pain of loving him... i love him too much... i fake everything just to let people know i'm alrite...

it kills me to lie to people... it kills me to fake my smile n laughter... it kills me having him gone just like that... i really miss him... i really do..

Did i told you that its over?

yah i noe previos entry i was telling you guys tat i mish him so much... but now surprise... I no longer miss him that much..

We fought on mother's day morning... i tot i could eventually be patient again... but sad to say, i couldnt control myself.. i was too frustrated with him... sumone who couldnt care much abt us...

I couldnt believe i said things i never want to say... never imagine i stoop so low to eventually settle this thing.. haiyoh.. been stressing myself too much with stupid n blind people like him... finally i realise, he's not worth my love, my time, my effort, my kindness, my everything...

Whats the point being nice to sumone who could appreciate you for a second of wat you did... Whats the point of being with sumone who is hard-headed, emotionless n always think that he's the right one in the situation.. never ever did anything wrong.. even if its wrong also, he wont put himself to blame..

Seems now that i manage to tackle this prob so easily... no longer regrets, no longer shedding tears, no longer stressing my brain thinking about him.. I'm stronger than before... thx to people who really help me thru all this... Like su, apis, fitrah, pendek... N especially to my beloved couzens, Chitra, Nana, Nadia... Those r the people who have been there for me all the time... support me wen i fall.. cheer me wen i'm down..

N yah having this prob settled, i did lose some of my frens.. especially who are extremely close to him... frankly i dun have the intention to lose them just becoz of him... but it jus happen unknowingly... i've been tolarating tis for too long.. n now i gues i'm cooling down on my own... no matter wat, i will remember our good times n bad times... sumhow i think u're big enouf to think wats good n bad in life.. its not easy to pls everyone.. but do it appropiately...

Nevermind.. i did gain from other.. i gain more friends.. more love... n yah i'm now head over hill over sumone new.. the feeling seems so rite... wel i dunno la eh.. what eva happen i can never fall back for my past again... i'm thru with all those shit... enouf with memories alone... dun need the real person...

ok i need to go.. till i log in again.. more stories to come... heheh..

What Am I Supposed To Do?

i miss my baby... I REALLY DO.... he's been MIA from me for like i dunno hw long... i tried my very best to get him back but he seems to be ignoring... wel no surprise to that... i wish i could do sumting to make me n him together again... people have been thinking that i'm usin the back door.. but all along i've been using the gate n enter from the front... no harm to that rite... but dunno la...

I MISS YOU BABY