Thursday, September 22, 2005

Everything juz burn

Everything seems to be out of control.. I learned to be more selfish and more ego.. Reason y.. i got to hide my true feelings deep inside..

Putting the situation bt me n him.. everything seems worst.. our relationship supposed to turn into friendship.. but yet it turn into the worst thing ever.. HISTORY... which would be like no friendship being improve along the way... suck rite...

stress thimking wat he wants from me... on how many time i emphesis that we cant run away from each other.. coz one thing our circle of friends are the same... having that they will ask me why this n why that.. at first i was afraid to voice out.. but having now the battle is still going on inside me... i jus say things in my way...

frankly i can say, i turned exactly like him.. but obviously, not as heartless n cruel as him.. i give the same treatment like he does to me... i give the coldness bt us.. coz i gues thats what he wants... we seems the same.. as to be compared treating our other frens and treating each other.. .wow!!! people would be shock... coz a couple who used to be so close... everywhere together despite breaking up... now turned into stranger... like a hi-bye kind of "so-called" friendship... we can treat our frens so nice... normal n sweet.. .but wen it come to us... we become like prediator n prey... i dunno wat to say... i'm so stressed up... till i almost give-up...

i dun want to give up as deep down i still believe in miracle... oh wel... he maybe too bz getting to know other girls.. he never be alone coz they are jus there for him.. having that, i still remember the exact words he used to say to me... "I don't want you to leave me alone"... sweet isn't it... noeing the fact i will never leave him... but just look who is leaving who behind...

So easier said... Let everything Burn..... n soon we will see the result...

Burn

I don't understand why
See it's burning me to hold onto this
I know this is something I gotta do
But that don't mean I want to
What I'm trying to say is that I-love-you i just,
I feel like this is coming to an end
And its better for me to
Let it go now than hold on and hurt you
I gotta let it burn

[Verse 1]
It's gonna burn for me to say this
But it's comin from my heart
It's been a long time coming
we da been fell apart
Really wanna work this out
But I don't think you're gonna change
I do but you don't
Think it's best we go our separate ways
Tell me why I should stay in this relationship
When I'm hurting baby, I ain't happy baby
Plus there's so many other things I gotta deal with
I think that you should let it burn

[Chorus]
When the feeling ain't the same and your body don't want to
But you know gotta let it go cuz the party ain't jumpin' like it used to
Even though this might bruise you
Let it burn
Let it burn you gon' learn
Gotta let it burn
Deep down you know it's best for yourself but you
Hate the thought of her being with someone else
But you know that it's over
We knew it was through
Let it burn
Let it burn
Gotta let it burn

[Verse 2]
Sendin' pages I ain't supposed to
Got somebody here but I want you
Cause the feelin ain't the same find myself
Callin' her your name
Ladies tell me do you understand?
And all my fellas do you feel my pain?
It's the way I feel
I know I made a mistake
Now it's too late
I know she ain't comin back
What I gotta do now
To get my shorty back
Ooo ooo ooo ooooh
Man I don't know what I'm gonna do
Without my boo
You've been gone for too long
It's been fifty-leven days, um-teen hours
Imma be burnin' till you return (let it burn)

[Chorus]
When the feeling ain't the same and your body don't want to
But you know gotta let it go cuz the party ain't jumpin' like it used to
Even though this might bruise you
Let it burn
Let it burn you gon' learn
Gotta let it burn
Deep down you know it's best for yourself but you
Hate the thought of her being with someone else
But you know that it's over
We knew it was through
Let it burn
Let it burn
Gotta let it burn

I'm twisted cuz one side of me is tellin' me
that I need to move on
On the other side I wanna break down
and cry (ooooh)
I'm twisted cuz one side of me is tellin' me
that I need to move on
On the other side I wanna break down and cry (yeah)

Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh oooh
Ooh ooh oooh (can ya feel me burnin'?)
Ooh ooh ooh oooh ooh oooh

So many days, so many hours
I'm still burnin' till you return

[Chorus]
When the feeling ain't the same and your body don't want to
But you know gotta let it go cuz the party ain't jumpin' like it used to
Even though this might bruise you
Let it burn
Let it burn you gon' learn
Gotta let it burn
Deep down you know it's best for yourself but you
Hate the thought of her being with someone else
But you know that it's over
We knew it was through
Let it burn
Let it burn, let it burn
Gotta let it burn

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

the battle of love and hate

i'm totally confused n lost... i dunno what to think or wat to say abt my relationship with my x.. for once i thot thing would be more peaceful or nicer... but sad to even know, he's becoming more heartless...

y do i say this? it is all becoz of the incident happened few days ago.. i can say it is an eye opener to me.. a wake up call.. or should i say a one tight slap on my face.. i do felt so wrong for reacting that way... but he forced me too.. he forced me to be cruel.. he forced me to treat him the way i dun wan to... i hate doing thing which is not me way..

i tried to be the best that i could... i try to give the nicest treatment i can ever give.. i tried to reconciliate us... maybe not as a couple but as a friend... i tried to bring the closeness like before... but to thing again, do i deserve the pain that he gave me... or maybe does he deserve to be treated with all the kindness... i dun think so...

sometimes i feel like taking a hammer and knock onto his head... or maybe poke his eyes and make him forever blind... the hatred in my heart is keep on burning.. the love for him is burning too.. but i dunno which one will win.. either the love or hate...

many people been asking me all sorts of bonus questions... but i'm sorry i can't give any answer... as me, myself dunno wat to do... i, myself couldnt gurantee that i can stay for the next five year... i can't even gurantee that i could give him the happiness he deserve... previously, i might say that no matter wat i will keep on waiting for him.. but the question is TILL WHEN?..

Few days ago, i talked with someone... someone whom i treat like my own brother... he know everything that's been going on in my life... especially about me n my x.. so on that day itself, he ask me how long i'm going to stay... am i going to be the happiest girl if i ever going to get him back.. or am i going to be happy for the moment and go back to the person that i used to be... well the thing is that i dun noe... i will be the happiest girl in the whole universe if i ever going to go back to him... but watever it is, it all depend on him... it takes two hand to claps, rite?... so for my side, there's nothing to be worry about.. as i have been here trying my life thru jus to be with him.. n i have been single for i dunno how long just becoz i still have the mindset that i'm going to be his... so it all depend on him... whether he going to co-operate with me.. putting hand in hand with me going thru the thick n thin of life together.. whether he going to give me the happiness that i deserve...

i can do anything for him.. jus name it , i will do it.. in the name of love, he's still mine... in the name of reality, we r nothing... so i pray hard that one day the ans will come.. whether we going to be together or not,... or whether we have to go thru like this till the end of life...

Monday, September 05, 2005

supposed to be excited

Wel my life have been normal.. still slacking at home... enjoying my life... chit chatting till late... finish up my parents money... hehehe... but one thing for sure i cant deny... my life is abit distracted... due to the fact he is still in this world...

Ok on the saturday, i went out with my gal frens.. one of them have to go back home, as her bf ask her too.. n they r engaging into a fight... stupid hell... wel i slack at starbucks somerset... its been a long time since i last been there... i miss tat place... so we chilled... me, my fren, n my couz.. we laughed, we joked, we enjoyed... but till one stage which i'm lost for quite some time...

Ok towards the ending of our day, me, my frens and other fren, meet up with the Tekong's boyz... n knowing the fact my ex is there, i have a sudden butterfly in my stomach... everytime like this... i hate it... k i did try my very best not to look or even walk with him... i dunno y... stupid rite...

everything goes wel.. i did secretly look at him... n i notice him too.. but no big deal... BUT... i'm abit confused at this part... Y everytime we meet up, he MUST check my hp... its been twice or thrice... i dunnno what he want to see.. n for me, line clear as i got nothing to hide... but its just tooo strange... Never for once eversince i "split" with him, i check his hp... i wanted too but can't... i dunno la...

Like i say i'm supposed to be happy but i'm not.. deep down its killing me till death...